Is It Family OR Like Family??

Have you ever met someone in your life you just don't really get? I mean you just really don't understand them not because you don't want to but because you are so much different. Well I am sure plenty of people have felt that way with me as I have some people. I know a young woman that I lived in her home for quiet sometime. The thing is we didn't talk much through that time. I am of coarse older then she is and at that time she was still in middle school so she was doing her school stuff as I was doing my party girl stuff. I always though she was a very, very pretty girl, and she still is today. My reason for this is Her head is on her shoulders tightly and I felt intimidated by her confidence. She knew who she was and what she wanted and who she loved and here I am 5 or 6 years older then she is and my life is a mess. I cant keep a man because I don't love myself enough to know how a man should love me. I have kids and I am alone with no education or no job, living with someone Else's family other then my own. From the outside looking in that would be a sorry ass woman for you!! I have tried to figure out away to connect with this young lady on a different level and to be honest it has been hard for me. I have my own family. And really I love them all but the bond that I want with my family just isn't there. I mean we all get angry and go for weeks, months, years with out talking to one another because no one wants to give in. That is sad. Plus I don't feel like I can trust them as I should be able to for a family. I really don't know how to explain it but its not in my soul. Now this young lady and her family they are. They mean so much to me and my heart and soul is in them. Now here is the crazy part. How? How do you love people so much and only known them 8 or 9 years. That is crazy to me. Why? Well for so long I never understood love or what it meant. I spent so much time looking for something to settle me and make me feel stable that I didn't know it was there. Still today After "ALL" the changes and growing up, I still feel a void. I am not sure where I belong. It is hard to explain but it hurts inside my heart and soul because I don't know where I belong. I have 2 families and yet I feel no real connection with one and the other I fee like I pushed my way in and they were just nice enough not to say go away. What does all this have to do with this young lady? She is everything I always wanted to be and to have. She is beautiful and smart. Her mother loves her to the ends of the earth and back. I want that, I want someone to love me as much as her mother loves her. I want to have a good head on my shoulders and know if I need help I can call and someone would drop everything to help me. It hurts not to have that. Sure I am married but that is not the love I am talking about. I am talking about a sister, a mother, a father,brother all of that. I am pretty good about hiding my feelings but sometimes I hide so much I get this pain in my heart and I have to let it out or I would probably end up sick. I want  be a part of a full family people who will accept me 100%. I want to go to family holiday dinners and functions. I want my kids to be number one on grandma and grandpas list. I don't think people truly know how bad this hurts inside of me and what I have to deal with to make sure it stays in. I sit and cry when I am alone because I cant express this void in my heart! How do you express something that people will never truly understand. I have made so many mistakes in my life but not one time has it brought me close to real true family love. My son is a very big part of this young lady and her family and they have been great for him and to him. they have loved him like no other. Since meeting my husband and getting married everything has slowed down. Nana doesn't come around as much anymore. Papa doesn't come around as much anymore. We go visit but the spark isn't there anymore. I know they love us but I wonder if they think because I am married I don't need them. I do badly. I feel alone and confused about so much. Maybe I am acting like a baby? I don't know I guess it is hard to not have that love then have it then feel like it is fading away. Does that make sense??? Anyway this young lady has a little girl and let me tell you I love her! I love her to death she is my baby well Lil momma now!! ha ha!! she is so cute and funny as heck. My niece another addition to my heart. This is another reason why I want to feel connection to this girl. I want her to feel like she can trust me 100% and talk to me about anything. I want to be the big sister she turns to or we go do stuff together. I don't have that and I really want it. I feel like she is the big sister and I talk to her and ask her for advice or her opinion. I don't know how to get in! I wish I could go back and make some changes to my life that might of made us closer in so many ways, then maybe I wouldn't feel this gap I keep trying to fill some way or another. Everyone thinks my life should be whole and complete. I am married with a pretty good man, I have a great job, and some wonderful kids, but all that is nothing when you don't have the family to lean on and relax with when times are tough. I am not saying they are not there, I am just saying I feel a gap in there I need it filled. It is hard on me to explain it to people because until I know my place how do you just comfortably say this is my mom, dad, brother and sister. I can say that but do I get that in return. I have heard it different ways . "Hey this is my adopted daughter Jessie", "This is Jessie she is like my daughter." etc. why do you have to explain it. What happen to "This is my oldest daughter Jessie" . That is it and all they need to know. Unless maybe everyone is just really unsure about the connection we do or don't share. What should I be feeling ????? What is my place?