WONDERING ABOUT LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I MEAN WHAT DO SOME OF THESE MEN THINK WHEN THEY SAY OR DO SOME OF THE THINGS THEY SAY OR DO? REALLY IT IS LIKE THEY HAVE A HEART BUT THEIR HEART IS ON FREAKIN DUMMY MODE. YOU CANT TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM AND WANT TO BE WITH THEM AND THEN PULL SHIT THAT A SINGLE MAN WOULD PULL. PLUS I HAVE COME TO LEARN MEN ARE SELFISH. OK OK I MAY HAVE LOST SOME OF YOU. FROM THE BEGINING. MEN HAVE THIS I AM MAN CODE THAT IS LIKE A TRANSMITER IN THERE HEAD. SO THEY PULL STUPID STUFF TO MAKE A WOMAN HURT OR NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY EVEN BOTHER. MEN SAY THEY DONT UNDERSTAND WOMEN WELL BOYS WE DONT GET YOUR ASSES EITHER. I MEAN ANSWER ME THIS WHEN YOU LOVE A WOMAN I MEAN REALLY LOVE A WOMAN DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TALK SEXUAL WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. IS IT LIKE A I STILL GOT IT THING OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANT TO SEE HOW FAR YOU CAN GO BEFORE YOU GET CAUGHT??
YOU CANT MAKE ME UNDERSTAND HOW YOU GUYS WORK AT ALL. I KNOW FOR ME HONESTLY I DONT LET MY HORMONES RULE ME. I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU. I DONT SPEAK INAPPROPREATELY TO ANOTHER MAN SEXUAL OR ANYTHING I FEEL LIKE THAT IS A FORM OF CHEATING. ASKING A WOMAN WHAT KIND OF PANTIES SHE HAS ON AND IF SHE IS HOT AND WET IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD ASK A WOMAN IF SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE (IF YOU HAVE ONE) RIGHT? I MEAN WOULDNT YOU GET MAD AT YOUR WOMAN IF SHE WAS TELLING SOME GUY SOME CRAP LIKE THAT. THERE IS A LINE THAT SHOULDNT BE CROSSED BUT TO SOME PEOPLE THAT LINE IS VERY THIN!! VERY THIN. I HAD A GUY WHO I CAUGHT TALKING VERY VERY FREAKY TO A YOUNG LADY. NOW WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT HE TOLD ME THAT HER AND HIM WHERE JUST FRIENDS AND THAT THEY WOULD JUST JOKE AROUND LIKE THAT. MIND YOU IM TALKING ABOUT SOME FREAKY SHIT THEY WERE SAYING. FRIENDS OR NO FRIENDS HE IS WITH ME THEN HE SHOULDNT BE TALKING TO ANY FEMALE LIKE THAT EXCEPT FOR ME!! THAT IS WHAT I AM THINKING. NOW IF I AM WRONG PLEASE LET ME KNOW. OK NOW LETS JUST SAY WE ARE MARRIED NOW THAT WOULD REALLY BE WRONG RIGHT? BECAUSE TO ME THAT IS CHEATING CHEATING CHEATING. THEY MAY HAVE NOT PHYSICALLY CHEATED BUT TALK LONG ENOUGH AND GUESS WHERE IT LEADS??? OH YEAH.
REALLY MEN THEN YOU TRY TO BLAME IT ON US FEMALES WE ARE NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. OK DO YOU TALK TO US ABOUT IT AT ALL? PROBABLY NOT BECAUSE A LOT OF FEMALES I KNOW DO WHAT THEY CAN TO MAKE THEIR MAN HAPPY. WE HAVE OUR LIMITATIONS BUT WE USUALLY TRY TO KEEP OUR MAN HAPPY! REALLY WE COOK, CLEAN, SEX, SUPPORT ECT... AND IF THAT ISNT GOOD ENOUGH YOU THINK THE NEXT WOMAN WILL DO BETTER. IT DOESNT MATTER HOW GOOD A WOMAN YOU HAVE YOU GUYS ARE NEVER HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. YOU ALWAYS THINK THE OTHER WOMAN IS BETTER. IS IT THE SEX MAYBE???
I MEAN REALLY I JUST WONDER WHAT MAKES YOU MEN PICK A WOMAN OR WHAT MAKES YOU KEEP THEM. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO KEEP YOU GUYS HAPPY. I AM A VERY SIMPLE WOMAN. BUT A VERY OPINIONATED WOMAN AS WELL. I KNOW I AM HARD TO LOVE BUT WHAT ABOUT SOME OF THESE OTHER WOMEN WHO WORK HARD TO KEEP YOU MEN AND YOU THROW THEM AWAY FOR THESE WOMEN YOU KNOW WILL NEVER LOVE YOU LIKE THE FIRST WOMAN YOU HAD. I AM NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN ARE GREAT BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME TRAMPS OUT THERE, I AM JUST SAYING WHEN YOU DO HAVE A GOOD WOMAN DONT TURN HER BAD BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT READY TO BE A REAL MAN. BE HONEST AND TELL HER. ITS A LOT BETTER THEN YOU CHEATING ON HER. IF YOUR NOT READY TO BE FOR REAL WITH YOUR WOMAN TELL HER AND DO YOUR THING. BECAUSE IF IT WAS MENT TO BE YOU ALL WILL BE TOGETHER, TRUST ME WHOEVER YOU ARE MENT TO BE WITH YOU WILL BE WITH. I AM GUESSING. RIGHT ABOUT NOW I AM NOT SURE BECAUSE IT SEEMS NO ONE IS DOING THE RIGHT THING BY ANYONE RIGHT NOW SO WHAT IS THE USE IN EVEN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP????
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I tend to write a lot and wind up saying very little.
Innately, there will always be men (and women) who do dishonor their marriage and their family. This is due to many reasons. There are men who believe that to be a man they must have several partners and many conquests and keep their "game" honed. To them, women are not to be trusted and are just out to get theirs. They mistrust women so they cannot honor them or respect them in so much as they barely respect themselves.
Further, most of the time, a long-term relationship is tied to children and stability and commitments. These are generally good things but not all men are ready for them nor do they truly understand what the agreements mean. Children are not always conceived in love, unfortunately, and men are especially distrustful of this role because often they have very limited examples of fatherhood.
Some men are contending with other issues that make it difficult to be husband and/or father. Drugs, alcohol, chronic unemployment, mental health issues, cultural influences and poverty make things difficult for the men I am familiar with to be the best husband or father they can be. But I do not excuse their behavior. Not having had the example of a good father, I still know what I must do to be one; I just never beleived I could be one. I always thought I could not change nor could I ever be a good father or example of manhood to a young man. That is no longer the same.
My trouble has always begun with violence. Sex and violence are tied for me and I have not worked this out to the point where I can have a completely open sexual experience with my wife. She was more open to experimentation when we first dated but there are things I will not ask of her that I can ask of another woman.
That's not to say that I cheated (or cheat) because she does not please me. We are both quite insatiable and our sex life is very good or it was until we were separated by the immigration laws. She does please me but when we are together there is a part of me that I must hold back for safety's sake. This is something I am still looking into and may need to explore changing. Unfortunately, truly satisfying sex always has very heavy elements of violence for me and often involves binding, spanking, slapping, punching, biting, forced sex, wrestling, etc., etc, you get the picture.
Well, I cannot tell you why all men cheat but I am fascinated by the subject myself. I have been a cheater. I am a cheater. I do love my wife and I love and cherish my son. There is nothing I would not do for my son but I agree, I should tell my wife that there is more going on than she knows. She deserves the truth. Problem is I do not want to lose her. She has been a central part of my road back to sanity. Her unconditional love and support was and is the foundation that allowed me to beleive in a better man within me.
The truth is that while I am trying to be a better man, I am still a weak minded fool and the affairs help me to define myself as more of a man. It matters not that I have been sober for over a year; nor does it matter that I've done a great deal of volunteer work in my community to set a better example for fathers in urban areas; it does not matter that I make a decent living and do good work for my employer for over two years now; it does not matter that I volunteer to read with pre-school and kindergarten children because I believe so much in their learning abilities and what they deserve as much as my own son. None of those things matter. What matters is that I cheated and I go on cheating. I feel shame but not a great deal and definitely not enough to stop cheating. I try to give myself credit for being more and being better now than I was two years ago but there is always that critic and the "real man" in my head whose voice is louder than my own and he has a very different idea of what a man is and what I will do. He does not drive as much as he used to but he does drive often enough that I, and my son, are now homeless. We have a safe place to sleep for some time but things are difficult for him and for me. Sometimes, I feel I owe some friends more than we have because they are helping me and helping my son. I use that as an excuse.
My affairs are not the focus of my life. My family is my life. Every now and then I come across a woman who sends all the right signals about her needs and her likes and what she will accept as far as pain and sex. I cannot turn down the kind of pleasure these women offer. It is similar to my former alcohol addiction and my current struggles with pain and violence. I make no excuses but I do not want to give up my wife and I know she will not want to stick around while I try to get better.
What does it boil down to? I love my family. I cannot imagine my life without my son. I might be dead or I might be enslaved by the vices and the voices of my former life.
ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW! I MEAN I LIKE THE FACT YOU ARE SO OPEN TO YOUR "FLAWS" AS A HUSBAND. YOU KNOW NOT MANY MEN CAN OPEN UP AND SAY THAT ABOUT THEMSELVES. SO I COMMEND YOU FOR THAT. I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING THOUGH. I DONT GET INTO THE VIOLENCE WITH SEX BUT SEX WAS A VERY VERY BIG PART OF MY LIFE. I THOUGHT I HAD POWER OVER MEN WITH MY BODY. I AM NOT SAYING I AM ALL FINE AND STUFF I AM JUST SAYING I USED SEX TO CONTROL MEN. YET ALL THE WHILE IT WAS CONTROLING ME. I THINK WHEN I MARRIED MY HUSBAND I KNEW THAT I WANTED A FAMILY MY GOAL WAS TO FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE A FAMILY AND KNOW THAT I COULD DO IT AND NOT END UP MARRIED 4 TIMES LIKE MY LITTLE SISTER OR 3 TIMES LIKE MY MOTHER. I ONLY WANTED TO DO IT ONCE. SO I TOOK IT VERY SERIOUSLY. MY FAMILY MEANS MORE TO ME THEN MY LIFE. SO MY PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND IS HIM KNOWING ALL OF MY PAST AND KNOWING ALL THE CHANGES I HAVE MADE FOR HIM TO BE WITH HIM AND BE 100% HIS, HOW COULD BE BETRAY ME. HE SAYS HE HAS NEVER EVER SLEPT WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT THE CONVERSATIONS HE HAS WITH THESE WOMEN, IT WOULD ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE TAKES IT THERE. WE HAVE WORKED THIS OUT TO A POINT BUT IT WONT FULL BE WORKED OUT UNTIL I HAVE SOME TRUST FOR HIM. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL THAT I AM BUT HE HURT ME SO BADLY AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR THAT. BUT HE ALSO KNOWS CHEATING IN ANYWAY IS THE ULTIMATE SIN TO ME. I SUPPOSE IT IS A LEARNING EXPERIANCE AND MAYBE HE HAS ISSUES I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BUT I KNOW HE IS A GOOD MAN HE JUST HAS TO FILL A VOID THAT I MUST NOT BE FILLING, AND UNTIL I KNOW WHAT IT IS I CANT FILL ANYTHING. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS. I WILL SAY THIS I LOVE READING THE STUFF YOU WRITE. IT IS INTERESTING AND VERY DEEP AND THAT IS THE TYPE OF STUFF THAT INSPIERES ME TO KEEP WRITING MY HEART OUT ON THIS COMPUTER. DONT EVER STOP WRITING. I WANT TO SAY THAT WITH YOUR FAMILY BEING SO IMPORTANT TO YOU EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT AS IT IS SUPPOSE TO. I SAY THAT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH MORE THEN MY SARE OF BAD SHIT AND TRUST ME I CONTINUE TO HAVE MY ISSUES BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING WORKS ITSELF OUT AND WE HAVE TO PUT OUR TRUST IN GOD OR THAT HIGHER POWER WHATEVER YOU MAY BELIEVE IN AND TRUST THEM TO LEAD YOU AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE AND AWAY OUT YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP DIGGING AND IF YOU DIG AND HIT BOTTOM START ANOTHER HOLE UNTIL YOU FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND STAY POSITIVE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO POSITIVE PEOPLE WHERE AS YOU BECOME NEGATIVE YOU WILL GET NEGATIVE.
JUST A FEW WORD TO KEEP YOU GOING THROUGH YOUR ROUGH TIMES.